Beautiful Disaster
by M. Pond
Summary: Ellis Grey's suicide leaves Meredith alone in a world that she is far too young to understand. Passed from home to home, unwanted, she must struggle to find out just who she is and to attempt to move on from the disaster that is her childhood.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **This is a story that I originally started writing for NanoWriMo but unfortunately uni essays got in the way and I had to abandon it. However this morning I read what I had written and decided to pick it up again. But before I take on the challenge of writing it alongside the exam revision and extended essays I have to do, I thought I would post what I have so far on here to see if anyone is interested in it.

**An extended summary**

_Beautiful Disaster_

One moment. One woman. One girl. Two lives destroyed.

Meredith Grey isn't sure she can remember a normal family life anymore. She has vague memories of making snow angels in the yard and of happy birthdays. But reality is no longer like that. The snow angels have long since melted away and there's no family left to wish her a happy birthday.

Her memories now are of blood staining the clean kitchen floor; of strangers instead of her parents; of no one wanting her.

Ellis Grey's suicide leaves Meredith alone in a world that she is far too young to understand. Passed from home to home, unwanted, she must struggle to find out just who she is and to attempt to move on from the disaster that is her childhood.

* * *

Meredith watched intently as a drop of condensation slowly made its way down the side of the glass in front of her. It landed silently on the table, merging with the others that had already fallen in the previous minutes that the glass had stood untouched for. Carefully she traced her finger through the miniature puddle, writing her initials with the intensity that only a young child can offer towards writing. The 'MG' was visible for a matter of moments before it too disappeared, just like the now indistinguishable water drop.

"Drink your milk Meredith," an older woman snapped as she entered the eerily silent kitchen.

Silently she obeyed the command, wrapping her hands around the tall glass and feeling the contrast between the heat of her palms and the coolness of the liquid that had been hypnotising her before she was disturbed. Gingerly she picked up the glass and raised it towards her lips. However it appeared that she overestimated the weight of the glass and in a split second the milk went from being contained to soaking through her new dress, the glass smashing to the floor.

Meredith froze, unable to move, even if she wanted to, due to fear. The kitchen was silent, aside from the steady drips of milk that were falling from the edges of the black fabric onto the vinyl floor and, to Meredith, the sound of her racing heart as she waited for her aunt's reaction.

It only took a few seconds, though it felt like a lifetime, for the older woman to respond. She strode across the kitchen and raised a hand, slapping Meredith hard across the face. Her head was forced to the side due to the blow and tears automatically began to well in her eyes as her cheek began to sting.

"You stupid girl. Are you trying to make this day more difficult?" she spat, surveying the drenched dress and the liquid on the floor. "Get up!"

She grabbed her arm and viciously pulled her from the chair, eliciting a loud cry of pain that was ignored. The aunt dragged Meredith out of the kitchen and up the dark flight of stairs. All the while Meredith sobbed due to the pain in her arm, her rapidly reddening cheek and for the entire reason that she was currently stuck in this situation.

She was so lost in her tears that she didn't even notice that she was now stood in the bedroom that she had currently claimed as her own until her aunt was roughly pulling the dress over her head. She let out another loud sob as she felt the zipper tugging at her hair as it became caught.

"Would you stop making such a fuss?"

The wet dress was discarded onto the salmon pink carpet that her aunt frequently complained about. When she had first shown her the tiny bedroom, she had muttered something about getting around to changing it. But to Meredith it was one of the few things in the house that was familiar to her. The colour reminded her of the scrubs that some of the nurses used to wear back at the hospital and that meant that the colour reminded her of the one the few places she was actually happy. She had taken to dragging her pillow and duvet off the bed every night and curling up on the carpet to sleep, so she felt just a little closer to the life that she had a feeling was now gone forever.

She was so caught up in staring at the fading carpet and remembering the kind nurse who would always sneak her a lollipop when she sat waiting for her mum to finish one of the long surgeries, that she didn't even notice the new dress being pulled over her head and done up. In fact she only became aware of anything when she was suddenly outside and the cold October winds were causing her hair to whip into her face. That was when she looked up and saw a small group of people stood around her, them too dressed in black clothes, all with sad expressions on their faces.

She knew most of them thought that she had no idea what was going on but she did. She knew why they were all sad, why they were dressed in black and why even her aunt was crying.

As her aunt lead her down the garden path, clutching her hand tightly within her own, Meredith couldn't stop staring at the hearse that was parked on the road, nor at the coffin that was resting within it. The image of the polished wooden box transfixed her and she stared at it intently, desperately trying to understand. She knew her mum was lying in that box and that she wasn't coming back; that her aunt had explained to her yesterday. But she still couldn't understand it. The box seemed too small to hold her mum. Her mum had always seemed so big. When she was yelling at her, she had always seemed to tower over her. And when she was hugging her tightly, it felt as if she was enveloping Meredith completely. So how could her mum be lying in a box so small?

She wanted to ask her aunt, to have her explain it all to her once more, but she wasn't even looking at her, or at the coffin. Instead she was looking towards the black cars parked behind the hearse, as if she didn't even want to see the hearse or what it contained.

"Come on Meredith!"

Meredith let herself be pulled into one of the waiting cars, allowing herself one last glance at her mum.

* * *

Meredith fidgeted uncomfortably on the hard wooden bench as she tried to listen to the man at the front talking. He was saying something about her mum, she knew that much. He was saying something about her being a talented woman who had saved so many lives. And Meredith knew she should be listening but it wasn't her fault this bench was so hard and that her dress was so uncomfortable. The dress was all itchy and she could feel the zipper digging into her back. And she felt all hot in it with the long sleeves that draped over her hands and the skirt that almost reached her shoes. Meredith had wanted to wear her blue party dress today, the one she could only wear on special occasions. It had a big bow on it and puff sleeves that made her feel like a princess, like Cinderella. Her dad had always called her 'mummy and daddy's princess' whenever she wore it and she really wanted to feel like their princess today. But when she had asked her aunt she had told her to stop being so insolent, whatever that meant, and had forced her into the black dress that was now coated in milk.

"Is there something wrong with that child?" Meredith heard someone say behind her. "She looks like she's having a fit."

Instantly she froze. Her mum had hated her embarrassing her, calling her ' a silly little girl.' And she didn't want to embarrass her mum today; today she wanted to be a good little girl. So instead she sat perfectly still as the man at the front finished talking and four men in suits stood and made their way towards the coffin. Meredith only recognised one of them as her aunt's husband, meaning he was her uncle, though she didn't really like him. He never let her play with any of her toys in the living room and he always forced her to go to bed at six o'clock when her nanny had let her stay up until eight.

The other three were unfamiliar to her though. In fact she didn't really know anyone at the funeral aside from her aunt and uncle, not that there were many people there. Only three rows of seats were filled and aside from that, the church was empty. She could recognise a few people from the hospital but only from passing them as she had wandered down the corridors.

"Stop gawking Meredith," her aunt said, now suddenly stood in front of her. "Come on."

Meredith let her aunt lead her down into the aisle and they slowly followed the coffin out of the church and into the graveyard. She had always hated graveyards, ever since Tommy from her class in pre-school had told her how the dead would wake up when it was dark and eat anyone they could find. She'd said that he was lying but she had refused to walk home through the churchyard, forcing her nanny to take the longer route home.

They came to a stop by a large hole in the ground and Meredith watched silently as the coffin was slowly lowered down into it. If she stared hard enough, she could read the words:

'_Ellis Grey_

_1949-1982'_

But the dirt that was scattered onto the coffin soon covered them. She was barely listening as different people made their way towards the grave and made their small contribution. Instead she just desperately kept trying to keep reading the words that were engraved onto the tiny plaque and trying to understand that it was her mum that was now lying in the ground.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, alerted and/or favourited this story over the past week. I can't believe people actually like it. Now I just hope I can keep up with what people are expecting. I'm most likely going to keep these updates to once a week as that gives me time to get ahead with updates. Plus uni keeps seeming to get in the way. But I'm on Easter hols from next week so hopefully I'll be able to get a few more updates backed up.

Now onto what you're all really here for, the chapter:

* * *

_Chapter 2_

Meredith wondered whether, if she slouched down low enough in the armchair, she would become completely invisible. She was sat in the chair at the back of the living room, burying herself as far into it as she possibly could. She was desperate to avoid any other strangers coming over to talk to her about her mum. So many of them had already come and told her what a great surgeon her mum was going to be, but she had not said a word back to them. Instead she had simply stared at them until they had given up and wandered off, muttering something about how devastated she must be. Her aunt would tell her off if she saw the way she was behaving, but right now she did not care. All she wanted was to talk to her mum or dad but her mum was gone and she had no idea where her dad was.

The sound of the front door opening again caused Meredith to look up, the noise echoing out over the chatter from the group that was gathered within the living room. And suddenly, for the first time since the police officer had lead her from her home, she felt like not everything in her life had changed. As she took in the sight of the man stood in the doorway, a doorway that he seemed to fill completely, a bright smile took over her face.

Jumping from the chair, she pushed her way through the many adults standing between her and that little bit of familiarity, not caring as they made exclamations of annoyance. She battled through the last few people before throwing her arms tightly around his legs. He looked down at her, smiling brightly, and scooping her up into his arms. His strong arms wrapped around her made her feel safe, and she buried her head into his chest.

"Hello Mer," he said, kissing the top of her head before running his hand through her short blonde hair.

She smiled, letting his deep voice soothe her, as he continued to brush her hair with his fingers. The gentle rise and fall of his chest seemed to calm her as she continued to let him hold her, making no effort to break from his embrace.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

The tension in both the air and him was obvious the moment that her aunt's voice shattered the peaceful bubble that had been created. The arms that were wrapped around her stiffened and she felt his hold tighten.

"I'm not looking to cause any trouble…"

"Trouble? You've caused more than enough of that Richard!"

"Look Patricia," he said.

"Don't 'look Patricia' me! You are not welcome here so just go."

"I loved Ellis as much as you did."

Meredith refused to look up, hearing the anger that was clearly visible in her aunt's voice. She could tell that the situation was serious; the noise in the living room had all but vanished and her Uncle Richard seemed to be becoming tenser by the moment.

"Don't you dare! It's because of you that my baby sister is no longer here. You are the one that abandoned her. You are the one that broke her heart. So don't you dare have the audacity to say you loved her as much I did! I want you to get out of my house right now before I do something I regret. It's all your fault that she's dead."

Before Meredith knew what was happening, she was being torn from Richard's arms and she automatically began to fight against her aunt's restraint, kicking and hitting her in an attempt to break free.

"Whatever you believe, I did love…do love Ellis."

The anger in her aunt was obvious as she began to shake and Meredith found herself deposited on the floor, only able to watch as her aunt stepped forward and struck Richard across the face. The sound echoed through the room, and any remaining conversations that had lasted through the confrontation came to a sudden stop.

"Leave. Now."

The silence in the room was deafening as everyone waited to see what his reaction would be. After what felt like an eternity, he nodded and turned towards the exit without a word. Meredith waited only a matter of seconds before turning and chasing after him, ignoring the demands from her aunt to stay where she was. In fact her aunt's voice was little more than background noise as she focused on catching up with the only person she wanted to be with right now.

He turned around as he heard her shoes echoing against the wooden floor and he smiled at her once more; but this time his smile lacked the brightness that had been there before and instead there was a sadness in his eyes. He dropped down to her level and held his arms out to her, enveloping her in another hug as she reached him.

"Meredith," he said, but she ignored him, instead forcing herself even closer to him. "Meredith," he said again, freeing one hand from her tight grip and forcing her to look at him. "You're a smart, wonderful girl Meredith. I want you to have an extraordinary life okay?" he said, smiling before kissing her on the cheek.

"I told you to leave!"

Meredith turned around quickly to see her aunt stood in the hallway, frowning at the pair.

"I'm going. Just give me one minute okay?"

He pulled away slightly and she clung tightly to his hand, desperately trying to prevent him from leaving. Smiling at her, he clutched her hand back before reaching into his pocket and pulling something out. In his palm lay a small silver necklace. It had a thin, fragile chain and hanging off it was what Meredith recognised as a miniature scalpel.

"I bought this for your mummy but I…I never got the chance to give it to her. Can you look after it for me?"

She nodded eagerly and spun around to let him place it around her neck, the way that she had seen her mum once do with her dad.

She played with the tiny scalpel gently, running the chain through her fingers, and grinned brightly at Richard. But before she realised it, he was kissing her on the cheek once more and standing up.

"Look after her please," he said, facing her aunt again.

"You have no right to ask me anything! Now go."

He nodded, stroked Meredith's cheek, and walked out of the front door.

"Don't you dare!" Patricia snapped as Meredith made to follow him. "Go to your room!"

She stood frozen by the front door, flicking from watching her aunt pointing up the stairs to Richard who had turned off onto the street.

"Your room! Now! I said now Meredith!"

She still stood frozen, Richard simply becoming a fading figure in the distance. As she watched Richard slowly moving further and further away, she failed to notice her aunt moving towards her until she was right in front of her and she was being struck across the face.

Tears began to form in Meredith's eyes and she didn't wait another second before charging up the stairs and slamming her bedroom door. She fell back against it and slid down onto the floor, clutching the necklace in her hand, the tears now streaming down her cheeks.

* * *

The bedroom was now shrouded in darkness; the trees in the garden casting shadows across the bedroom floor. The group downstairs had long since dispersed but the young girl still sat slumped against the bedroom door. Meredith clutched the necklace tightly, the tears on her blotchy cheeks now long since dried. But rather than being sat mourning or hating where her life had ended up, she was listening; listening to the voices at the bottom of the stairs.

"As Meredith's social worker, I need to know that she's got someone who can look out for her. That's what she needs right now, people who can support her."

"Well that as maybe but I can't offer her that."

"You're her flesh and blood and you took her in after…after the incident."

"Look I only did that because it was an emergency. My husband and I have never had any intentions to have any children and this doesn't change that fact. We don't need the trouble of her. You know that she hasn't spoken a word since Ellis died?"

"If you can't care for her then we're going to have no choice but to place her into foster care."

"What about that waste of space father of hers?"

"We made contact with him," she said, tiredly. "However his wife is about to give birth and he said that he doesn't feel he can care for her, at least not at the moment."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" she muttered.

"I'm sorry to put this on you but you're our last resort. If you can't care for her, then, as I said, foster care will be her only option."

"Well then I'm not the last resort am I? Why don't you just place her in foster care?"

"You want us to place your niece in foster care when she has family members who could offer her a suitable level of care?"

"I'm just offering you the same answer as Thatcher did. I have no responsibility to care for her. I only took her in for this week out of loyalty to my sister."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm certain. She's upstairs if you want to take her now."

"Now? Don't you want to…"

"No. It's the door straight ahead. All her stuff is still packed aside from a couple of dresses."

* * *

Meredith waited patiently, listening as footsteps echoed up the stairs. After a moment they stopped and there was a knock on the door.

"Meredith? Can I come in?"

She waited a few moments, letting the woman knock gently again, before moving away from the door and hesitantly opening it. Stood in front of her was an older woman, a few streaks of grey scattered through her hair. She was pretty but wrinkles were clearly visible around the corners of her eyes and mouth. She gave Meredith a big smile and dropped down to her level.

"Can I come in?"

She stared at her silently, neither moving to open the door further, nor to shut it on her.

"I'm Andrea and you're Meredith right?"

She nodded slowly and after a moment, stepped back, letting Andrea follow her into the room. Silently she made her way over to the small bed and shuffled down under the covers, staring at Andrea who, after gazing around the room, perched down on the edge of the bed.

"Do you know why I'm here Meredith?" She nodded. "Good. That's good."

She continued on uncertainly.

"Is that your doll?" she asked, gesturing at the Anatomy Jane doll that Meredith was grasping tightly. "She's very um…she's very pretty. Does she have a name?"

Meredith nodded once more.

"Do you want to tell me what she's called?" Meredith shook her head and Andrea sighed. "Okay well maybe another time."

She slid closer to Meredith on the bed and gave her another smile.

"Now Meredith you said that you knew why I was here? You know that your mummy's gone to heaven?" After waiting for a response, and gaining none, she continued. "Well that means we need to make sure you have somewhere to stay. And because you're aunt is very busy, she said she's really sorry but she doesn't think her and your uncle can look after you – at least not now. So I'm going to take you with me and we're going to find a really nice family to look after you. Does that sound alright?"

She waited patiently to see if Meredith was going to say anything, but instead she simply stood up from the bed, still clutching Anatomy Jane in her hand. Silently, she made her way to the other end of the room and grabbed the small black suitcase.

"You're ready to go?" Meredith simply nodded. "Don't you want to say goodbye to your aunt?" She knew she should have been surprised at Meredith's vehement shaking of her head but after seeing the way that that woman had had no interest in looking out for the little girl, it didn't. "Alright then. My car is parked outside so shall we get going?"

She went and picked up the suitcase and turned to find Meredith hovering by the bedroom door, playing with the chain around her neck.

"Come on then Meredith. You're going to stay at the group home tonight and then I'm going to try and find a family for you alright?

She expected the girl to nod again but instead she saw the tears that were rapidly forming in her eyes.

"Aw sweetie," she said, dropping down to hug her. "Are you missing your mum?"

Meredith gave a small nod and stepped forward, allowing Andrea to hug her. As she held her, she couldn't help but be aware that even though she appeared to be trying to put on a brave act, Meredith was in fact just a five year-old girl who had seen her mother die a little over a week ago.

"Did you want me to carry you to my car? Would that be alright?"

She felt Meredith nod slightly, her head still buried in her neck, and Andrea smiled slightly before picking up the suitcase, as she wrapped her legs tightly around her waist, her arms still clinging to her neck.

As she made her way down the stairs, aware of just how strongly the young girl was holding onto her, she couldn't help but worry over her. No one in her family wanted to care for her and Andrea knew just how tough the care system could be. She had seen so many children getting lost in the system, simply becoming another case, and it scared her that the same could happen to this little girl. She just hoped she would be strong enough to make it through and come out the other side alright.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Only one day out on my assigned update day! I'm going to see Wicked next Saturday so I'm most likely going to be posting the next update on Easter Sunday rather than Saturday.

Enjoy.

* * *

Andrea slowed the car to an almost crawl as they got closer to the foster home that Meredith was going to be placed in. She had spent all of the previous night trying to find someone who had space to take the little girl in, finally locating an older couple who had said that they would be more than willing to look after her.

"Here we are then Meredith," she said as the car came to its eventual stop.

The house that they had parked outside was a small terraced house on the outskirts of Seattle. She had had some previous dealings with the couple that were going to be caring for Meredith. All of their children had long since moved away, either to college or to start their own independent lives, and they used fostering as a way to give something back. They were lovely and Andrea could not help but hope that they would be the ones to get Meredith to open up.

This morning she had arrived early at the group home to collect Meredith and had been informed that she was still refusing to speak. When her aunt had said that she had not spoken since Ellis' death, Andrea had believed her to simply be exaggerating. But according to both the carers that she had spoken with, Meredith had refused to answer any questions, even those as basic as giving her name. Instead she had simply eaten her dinner and gone to bed without a word.

"Meredith?" she asked again but the little girl did not even appear to hear her.

She continued to stare out of the window, her eyes roaming over the sight of the house that she was now supposed to call home.

"Come on then. Let's get you inside."

* * *

Peter and Judith hovered uncertainly as Andrea led Meredith into the small hallway. She was gripping Andrea's hand so tightly, her nails digging into her palm, that she knew there would be little crescent moons that would be there for quite a while.

"This is Meredith," she said, dropping down next to her. "Meredith, this is Peter and Judith. You're going to stay with them for a while alright honey?"

"Hi Meredith," Judith said, reciprocating Andrea's gesture of coming down to her height. "I'm Judith but you can call me Judy if you want to. That's a very pretty dress that you're wearing."

She stroked the soft blue material of the dress that she was wearing, giving her a smile. However Meredith ignored and continued to stare down at the floor, as if the wooden boards were insanely interesting.

"She chose it all by herself this morning," Andrea explained. "The carers went in this morning and she was already wearing it."

"Well it's lovely. It makes you look like a princess. Do you like princesses?"

"I should explain that we've got a little problem. Obviously I've explained the situation to you..."

"Yes it's terrible. Poor girl," Peter said, lowering his tone as if Meredith would be unable to hear him.

"Hmm it is. But the thing is, well Meredith hasn't been talking. She hasn't spoken since it all happened."

"What?"

"I hoped that once we moved her to a new environment, she would start to speak again. But the carers informed me this morning that she didn't say a word at all last night or today. I'm hoping that it's just a temporary phase but I do understand if it's a problem for you."

Judith stood up and made her way over to her husband.

"Judy you didn't tell me that," he said, glancing over at Meredith who was still examining the floor.

"Peter she needs us. Her mum is dead and no one else in her family wants her. She needs someone to look out for her."

He hesitated, staring intently at her and watching the way she slowly dragged one of her feet in tiny circles on the floor, before a smile passed over his face.

"We'll give it a go okay? I mean we've handled worse than a silent child."

"I can't believe we're complaining about a bit of peace and quiet," she laughed before turning back to Andrea and Meredith.

"Did you want to see your room Meredith?"

She looked up at her, her eyes wide as if she couldn't quite believe that they had a room ready for her. Judy held out her hand towards her and Meredith simply stared at her before turning back to Andrea.

"Go on honey. I'll be right behind you okay?"

She waited again, as if she was contemplating exactly what she should do, before nodding slightly at Judy and stepping forward to take her hand. Judith shot her a reassuring smile, slowly leading her in the direction of the stairs, while Andrea loitered back, signaling that she needed to talk to Peter.

* * *

"And right through here, this is your room sweetie."

Judith pushed open the door to reveal a bedroom that looked as if it hadn't been slept in for quite a while. The pale pink flower printed bedspread was wrinkle-free, smoothed out perfectly over the small single bed that rested in the corner. A small teddy bear was resting against the pillows, as if it was marking the bed as it's own territory.

Tentatively, Meredith made her way into the bedroom, all the time aware of the fact that Judith was watching her, observing her every move. She wandered over to the large bay window that stood at the opposite end of the room. Instead of the normal windowsill, it had been turned into a seating area with cushions and there was a small pile of children's book resting there as well. The care and attention that had been placed into the room was obvious.

"This used to be my oldest daughter's room but she's got a family of her own now. My husband and I thought that you might like it. Andrea told me that you like to read and my daughter, Cathy, she always liked to sit out there, reading and looking over the garden," Judith rambled, trailing off and waiting to see if Meredith would respond.

If she did hear her then she showed no sign of it. Instead she continued to stare out at the garden.

"Do you like it Meredith?"

She turned to face her, her face completely blank. She stared silently at Judith, blinking slowly, as if considering everything. After a moment, she wandered over to the bed and buried herself underneath the covers, pulling them over her head.

"Oh well...um yeah you try and get some sleep. I'll wake you up for dinner alright?"

She sat down on the bed and reached out to stroke Meredith; however she quickly moved out of the way of her reach, burying herself further underneath the covers.

* * *

"This can't continue Judy," Peter said, glancing over the back of the sofa to make sure that the door was firmly closed.

Judy and Peter were sat in the living room, late on Sunday evening, after having Meredith to bed.

"She's only been here a week Pete."

"And you don't think it's strange that she still hasn't said a single word. She just sits there, silent."

"She watched her mum die Pete!"

A creak from upstairs caused the pair to freeze and they both glanced up at the ceiling, waiting to see if there would be any more noise from Meredith's bedroom. After waiting a moment and realising all was silent, Judy continued.

"We can't just give up on her because she wasn't what we expected. She needs people who can be there for her!"

"Look I only agreed to do this for you. This whole fostering thing was all your idea."

"I thought you said that you wanted more children in the house!" Her comment was met with silence. "Pete?"

"You want the truth?"

"Yes!"

"When Adam moved out, I was looking forward to having some us time. But then you wanted more kids in the house and you just kept going on and on about wanting to help - that it was your calling or whatever. And you started to win me round; I thought it would be nice to have a young child in the house again. But this," he gestured to the ceiling again. "This wasn't what I was expecting."

"And what do you mean by this?"

"A mute child. A child who I have no idea what they're thinking at any given moment. I can't handle something like that, not at my age."

"So what are you thinking?" He stared at her, his intention obvious on his face. "You want to get rid of her?"

"I just...I just need to think."

"You shouldn't need to think Pete! She's a lovely little girl. And I know she's got problems..."

"Problems? That's an understatement."

"Yes problems. But that doesn't mean I'm just going to pass her off onto someone else because you can't cope with what she's going through!"

"I'm not going to make you any promises Judy," he said, flicking off the TV and standing up so he was towering over her.

"I'm not asking you to make me any promises Peter!" she yelled back but she froze as he opened the door.

There sat on the stairs was the tiny figure of Meredith. She was perched on one of the steps, her chin resting against the knees with her pale pink dressing gown acting as a blanket.

"Oh Meredith. I didn't realise you were awake," Judith said, standing up.

However Meredith simply stared at them, tears forming in her eyes, before charging back up the stairs. A few seconds passed before the sound of her door slamming echoed through the house.

"I hope you're happy now!" Judith said, frowning at her husband.

"Oh yes blame it on me!" he shouted back at her as she stormed past him without turning. "How is it always my fault?" he muttered.

"She's gone!"

* * *

Pete was jolted awake by the sound of his wife shrill shout. Groaning, he desperately tried to force himself to become aware of exactly where he was. The dull ache in his back caused him to remember the fact that he had just spent an immensely uncomfortable night asleep on the sofa after he had headed upstairs to find a duvet and pillow awaiting him outside the closed bedroom door.

"I said she's gone!"

Judith violently shook him and he let out a shout as the sudden movement further aggravated the pain in his back.

"What are you talking about?"

"I just went into Meredith's room to get her for breakfast and her bed was empty."

"She's probably out in the garden or something," he muttered, remembering the numerous times in the past week he had found her sat on the bench outside. "You're panicking for nothing woman."

"Don't woman me! Her shoes and coat are gone and so is that backpack she brought with her. And the front door was unlocked when I went down this morning. I thought you must have done it but… She's run away Peter and it's all our fault!"

* * *

Meredith was not sure exactly how long she had been sat on the bench for but it felt like it had been a really long time. She was sat on a bench opposite the playground in the park watching…just watching. When she had first sat down, the park had been completely empty. But as the day went on, different families started to come and go; some had lots of children whereas others only had one – like her family had had.

At the moment there were three different families in the playground. But Meredith couldn't stop watching one family in particular. On the swings, Meredith's favourite, was a little girl who she thought might be the same age as her or a little bit older. Her mum was pushing her on the swings and her dad was standing in front of her, trying to grab her every time she swung close to him. He was making silly monster noises and the little girl was laughing hysterically each time.

She had been watching them ever since they had arrived. Even though it was making her really sad, she couldn't stop watching them; because she used to have a family just like that – a mummy and daddy who would love her and play with her on the swings. But now all she had were two people who were going to leave her soon. She knew that because they had been arguing. Her mummy and daddy had argued and then her daddy had gone and he hadn't come back. And then, after a while, her mummy had taken her into the kitchen and had shown her that scalpel…

No she wasn't going to think about that because thinking about that made her feel all weird in her tummy and it made her want to cry even more than she already did now.

"Honey are you alright?"

Meredith looked up to find the mum from the family she had been watching, crouching in front of her.

"Where's your mummy?"

Her bottom lip began to waver. Her mummy was gone and she wasn't going to see her again, not for a really long time; at least that's what her aunt had told her.

"Aw no, don't cry." At some point the little girl had freed herself from the swing and made her way over to Meredith. "I'm Amy. What's your name?"

Meredith simply stared at her, transfixed by the confidence that the girl had. She had been like that once but now she couldn't even talk.

"I think she's a bit shy Amy," the woman said, taking hold of her daughter's hand. "Do you know where your mummy is sweetie?"

Meredith began to nod her head but then she hesitated. Did she know where her mummy was? Because her mummy wasn't here, she was in heaven with the angels like her aunt had told her. After a moment of consideration, she changed her mind and shook her head, her bottom lip still wobbling.

"Okay then. Well..." the woman paused and turned to her husband. "Steve? Do you think we should take her to the police station? I mean it's only a couple of minutes away. Her parents are probably worried stiff."

"And what if her parents have just gone to get something from the car or something? The next thing you know, we'll be accused of kidnapping or something else ridiculous."

"So we just leave her here on this bench all alone," she hissed.

Steve shot his wife a look before copying her and kneeling down in front of the bench.

"Did your parents bring you here?" Meredith shook her head. "Are they near here?" She shook her head again.

"See."

"Can she come home with us mummy?" the young girl said, fiddling with one of her long plaits. "She could come and play with my dolls with me and she could see my new trampoline."

The woman sighed and shook her head slightly.

"We can't do that Amy. She's got her own mummy and daddy somewhere and they're going to be worrying about her. We don't want to keep them from finding her do we?"

"No," she said, pouting slightly.

"Did you want to come with us and we can try and find your parents?"

Meredith simply stared at her hesitantly. Her daddy had always taught her not to go off with strangers and so had Mrs. Larkin, her pre-school teacher. But these people didn't seem like they were going to try and hurt her. Surely it would be alright to go with them.

"My mummy and daddy won't hurt you. Daddy's a policeman. He will look after you."

Amy gave her a big grin, displaying her two missing front teeth, and causing her nose to crinkle. She held out her hand towards Meredith and, after waiting a few seconds, she wiggled her fingers at her. "Come on."

Meredith couldn't help but smile back at the young girl. It felt like it had been forever since she had been with someone her own age; someone who wanted to be friends with her. Grinning back, she took hold of the little girl's hand and it only took a moment before Amy began rambling on, talking ninety to the dozen.

"Mummy and daddy will look after you. And you can see the police station. It's 'mazing. If you're really lucky, they give you sweets. Well Mary does, she's the receptionist. She really likes me. And since you're my friend I bet I can get her to give you one. You want one?"

Meredith nodded, smiling at her, as Amy led her towards the exit of the park, her parents trailing behind them.

* * *

It was early evening when a knocking on the door alerted Andrea, Judy and Peter to the presence of someone on the porch.

"Hello?" Judy asked, opening the door to reveal a tall uniformed police officer who was clutching tightly onto Meredith's shoulder. "Oh thank God Meredith!"

Judy quickly crouched down to embrace Meredith. She held her tightly, stroking her hair, not even noticing that Meredith simply stood stiffly within her hold.

"One of my fellow officers found this one sat on a bench in the park. She wasn't saying a word but thankfully a name tag in her jumper let us track you guys down."

"Was she alright? Are you alright sweetie?"

"Yeah she was fine. You wouldn't guess how many kids we get just wandering off," he laughed.

"Well thank you for bringing her back to us. We were so worried."

"No problem ma'am. And look after yourself alright kiddo," he said, smiling down at Meredith who returned the grin brightly.

"What were thinking you Meredith? Do you know how panicked we were?" Judy said after shutting the door behind them.

Unsurprisingly, Meredith didn't respond. Instead she simply stared down at the ground, hiding the worried expression that was gracing her face.

"Meredith!" Andrea said as she peered out into the hallway to see what the commotion was.

The change in Meredith was immediate as soon as she spotted the familiar face of Andrea. The grin that had been there only moments before re-appeared, removing the worried expression from her face. She raced over to her and hugged her tightly. "It's good to see you too honey."

"Maybe we should go back into the lounge."

Peter emerged from behind Andrea, catching Judy's eye meaningfully.

"Not now Peter. Please?" she begged. "This isn't the right time."

"It's the perfect time Judith," he snapped, turning back into the lounge without another word.

Judy let out a resigned sigh and shot an apologetic look towards Andrea and Meredith. She ran a hand through her hair, a lost look appearing upon on her face, before turning to follow Peter.

"I'd guess we better go in."

"Judith…"

"No no it's fine. Peter's right."

She disappeared off into the lounge, leaving Andrea and Meredith out in the hallway. Meredith was still clinging tightly to her, her head pressed against her chest, listening to the gentle beat of her heart.

"We're going to go in there for a bit alright hun? I just need to have a little talk with those two."

She felt Meredith nod slightly, and as she scooped her up and carried her into the lounge, she could not help but feel a pang for the young girl due to the inevitable thing she knew was coming.

* * *

Meredith sat quietly, slumped against Andrea, listening intently to the conversation that was going on around her. She didn't know if they knew that she was listening, but she was taking in everything that she was saying. She should have known this was coming. It was always happened when people argued; they argued and then they left her. Her dad, her mum and now Judith and Peter were getting ready to get rid of her.

"What Meredith needs at the moment is stability," Andrea said.

"And I understand that, I do. But I just…we just feel that we can't offer her that. We have tried but it's just not working."

"And is this how you feel Judith?"

There was a silence as Judith stared at the ground, avoiding making eye contact with any of the people in the room.

"Judith agrees with me," Peter said, taking a firm hold of her hand. "Meredith is a lovely girl but we just can't offer her the suitable and stable home that she needs. I hope you understand that."

Silence fell over the living room as Andrea processed what they were saying. However it was broken by Judith letting out a small sob.

"I'm sorry but I can't be a part of this."

She stood up, tears clear in her eyes.

"Judith!"

"No don't Judith me. That little girl needs us and you're willing to just abandon her and pass her on to someone else. And I know that there's nothing I'm going to be able to do to change your mind but I can't sit here and pretend that I'm okay with it all! I can't be the 'we' that has decided that we can't offer her the stability she needs. So excuse me if I don't sit here and watch you make a decision that I don't know if I can forgive you for!"

The tears were not streaming down her cheeks as she stopped by the sofa and kissed the top of Meredith's head.

"Judith," Andrea said.

"I can't change his mind," she said, her voice breaking as she shook her head slightly. She bit her lip before kissing the top of Meredith's head again, tears falling as she did so. "Take care sweetie."

She pulled away and moved towards the exit. However, at the last minute, Meredith sprung up from the sofa and chased after her, reaching her just before she left the room.

More tears spilled down Judith's cheeks as she hugged her one last time.

"Take care sweetie," she repeated before leaving the room, her sobs echoing behind her as Meredith stood hesitantly in the empty space, unsure of what was going to happen now someone else had decided they didn't want her.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** I am so sorry that this update took so long. It's been written for months but for some reason I just didn't get around to posting it. It's been the Easter holidays and my only excuse is that I discovered _The Office_ so I spent a week watching that and then far too long reading Jim/Pam fanfiction. So please blame them for me being constantly distracted and therefore forgetting to update.

Thank you to everyone who has read this story, reviewed it, alerted it and/or favourited it. I'm so happy it's getting a good response. I also promise to be more organised in replying to reviews from now on. I am back at university tomorrow so normal business should be resumed.

Also a fabulous person I follow on Twitter made a banner for this story. I've never had a banner for one of my fics before! Here it is (remove the spaces) - http: /w ww. twitpic. com/1diu mz - check it out because it's full of pretty.

Wow this was a long rambling author note. I'll just get onto the fic now.

* * *

The sounds of a herd of children running past the office door broke the uncomfortable silence that had fallen over the rec room. Louise, a therapist who had been employed by Washington state to work with emotionally disturbed children, sat on the sofa, absent-mindedly tapping her pen against the sofa as she waited for any form of response. Meredith was sat on the opposing sofa, her arms crossed, staring out of the window and determinedly avoiding meeting the stare that Louise was directing at her.

Louise couldn't help but feel that, for a five year old, she was exceptionally stubborn. They had been sat in the office for twenty minutes so far and she had determinedly refused to talk; the same way she had during their past three sessions. Every session she simply sat on the sofa, staring and not talking, no matter what technique Louise tried.

"So Meredith, what have you been doing today?"

There was no response, not even a suggestion that she had heard the question that had been asked; not even a flicker of recognition.

"Meredith?" she sighed.

Over her years as a social worker she had dealt with many difficult cases, children who had been so badly abused that she still found herself waking up in tears sometimes in the middle of the night. But even they, after their first few sessions, were beginning to respond to her. However Meredith simply sat silently every week. According to the reports that she had been giving, she had not spoken since the day of her mother's suicide, not to her aunt, her assigned care worker or even her first set of foster parents that had given up on her last month.

Every attempt of talking to Meredith had failed. She had tried to talk to her about her time in the group home, the friends that she had made. She had tried to talk about things she thought Meredith might like, but all had elicited no response. Except once. Once she had asked Meredith if she liked going to the park and she had given a tiny nod; and when she asked whether she liked the merry go-round, she had watched her face fall and her hand fly to the necklace that she refused to take off. Her first night in the home, a carer had apparently tried to remove it when giving Meredith a bath, and she had started hitting her and shaking her head viciously. Unsurprisingly, all the carers had abandoned any attempts to take it off after that.

But such a minor response wasn't enough. She could easily guess, without even relying on her psychology degree, that Meredith's lack of talking was due to what she witnessed, which she refused to talk about; not that anyone had tried to bring it up with her. Louise had read the reports, describing the traumatic scene that police had discovered when they'd received a distressed call from Meredith. And since the moment that they had forced the door down and entered to find the little girl, soaked in blood, desperately trying to scrub the masses of it from the floor, she had declined to speak a single word.

Maybe a more direct approach was needed.

"Meredith. Did you want to talk about what happened?"

The change in the girl's demeanour was slight but noticeable. Her shoulders tensed and her whole body became rigid, as if she was simply a scared animal waiting to be attacked.

"Did you want to talk about what happened in the kitchen? What your mum did?"

In a split second, she went from being sat tensely on the sofa to being halfway towards the door. She did not even look back as she ran from the room, the door swinging forcefully behind her.

Maybe the direct approach wasn't what was needed.

* * *

Meredith raced up the stairs, letting the tears fall freely down her cheeks, as she desperately tried to block the images that were forming in her mind. The shine from the scalpel catching the light as her mum twisted in her hands: the blood unreservedly spurting everywhere, more than she had ever seen: her mum's face paling rapidly as she slumped onto the kitchen floor.

The acidic burn of the bile building up in her throat was Meredith's only clue as to what was about to happen. A few seconds later, she retched violently and threw up all over her shoes and the carpet.

"Ew! Mute's been sick!" a voice called from the top of the stairs and she glanced up to see one of the older boys stood in front of her.

She quickly wiped her mouth, tears stinging in her eyes, and she pushed past him, ignoring his shouts, and charging into her room. She threw herself onto her bed, burying her head in the pillows, meaning she failed to notice the other figure in the room.

"What is on your shoes?"

Meredith let out a tiny groan as she heard the voice, before turning and looking over at the other side of the room. Sat on the bed opposite was Jemima, the eight year-old that Meredith had been made to share a room with when Andrea had dropped her off at the home last month. Jemima had made no attempt to hide her dislike of her and her resentment at being made to share her room with someone three years younger than her.

She ignored her, kicking off her shoes that were starting to smell, and turning back towards her pillow. As she lay down, she reached underneath the pillow. However instead of being met with the hard plastic of Anatomy Jane's legs, she felt nothing but the softness of the sheets. Frowning, she felt around again, as if she could have missed the large, chunky doll. But there was nothing underneath the pillows.

She forced herself back up and peered over the edge of the bed, in case the doll had tumbled to the floor in the middle of the night and she simply had not noticed when she had woken up.

"Is this what you're looking for?"

Meredith looked up from the floor to see Jemima still sat on her bed, leaning against the wall with a smirk on her face. However, one thing had changed. She was clutching onto Anatomy Jane, twisting her brown hair tightly and pulling at her organs.

"Why are you always holding this ugly doll anyway? I don't see what's that special about it," she said, dropping the stomach and heart onto the bed.

Meredith shoved her hand out, gesturing for Jemima to give it back, a sad look on her face. She wasn't about to tell her why she couldn't ever go to sleep without it. It was the only present her mum had ever given her, one of the only things that showed her that she cared about her and loved her. Her dad always had to work in the evenings so he could get away with not working mornings since he was taking her to school, and her mum was never there to tuck her in either, let alone be there for her in the mornings. So sleeping with Jane meant that her mum was always with her when she went to bed, when she was in fact in another long surgery. And now…well now it meant her mum was still there, helping her to fall asleep and looking out for her. But now Jemima had Jane and was pulling her apart.

"Oh do you want it back? You know only babies play with dolls. This is a baby's toy," she laughed, pulling out one of the lungs.

Meredith stood out and made her way over to the bed, shoving her hand out again. However this achieved nothing, aside from causing Jemima to laugh even harder. She swung her legs gleefully, holding the doll high up out of Meredith's reach.

"Did your dead mummy give you this stupid doll?"

Meredith was not exactly sure what happened, but it felt like something aside her snapped. An angry expression fell over her face and she didn't the only thing she could think of – she kicked Jemima, hard.

"Ow!" she screamed, dropping the doll instantly. Meredith ignores her shout, instead grabbing the doll and possessively clutching it to her chest. "I'm telling on you," she shouted, limping from the room.

However she paid no attention, sitting on the bed and collecting up the organs. She slowly began to place them back inside Anatomy Jane, with the same high level of attention that her mum had always told her to give. She could feel the tears welling in her eyes as she remembered the first time she had played with the doll, the day after her fourth birthday, and how her mum had taught her exactly what to do.

"_So where does this go?" Ellis asked, holding out the next organ to her daughter who was lying on the rug._

"_In front of the chubble," she said proudly. _

"_The what?"_

"_The chubble which goes in after the slivey," she announced. _

"_It's called the stomach Meredith, not the chubble," Ellis said, irritation creeping into her tone._

"_Okay," she said, barely listening as she snatched the toy organ and roughly shoved it into the doll._

"_Careful Meredith!" she snapped before sighing. "You do it like this."_

_Ellis dropped down onto the ground by her daughter, taking the doll from her. She removed the miniature stomach and replaced it again, this time putting it in with care. _

"_Carefully?"_

"_Yes, exactly. You've got to do it carefully so you don't hurt the patient. You want to try?"_

_Meredith nodded, eager to try and extend the time with her mum for as long as possible. She took the doll back and removed the toy organ, before copying her mum exactly, carefully placing it back inside Anatomy Jane. _

"_Did I do it right mum?"_

_Ellis nodded and opened her mouth to speak. However, whatever she was about to say was interrupted by the beeping of her pager. She pulled the small device off her hip and glanced at it. _

"_I've got to go Meredith okay?" She pressed a kiss on the top of her daughter's head as she stood up, not even noticing the small pout on her face. "Thatcher I've got to go."_

"_I thought you were spending the evening with Mer," he said, appearing at the entrance to the lounge, a tea towel in his hand. _

"_It's a five-car pile up Thatcher. They need me for surgeries."_

"_And we need you here Ellis," he hissed._

"_I've got lives to save Thatch. I can't just let people die," she muttered before storming out. _

_Meredith turned back towards the fireplace and began fiddling with doll again, desperately trying to ignore the sounds of her dad yelling after her mum. _

"Meredith?"

She was drawn from her thoughts when she heard someone at the door. She glanced up from the doll and saw Cassie, the head social worker of the group home, leaning against the door, a displeased look on my face.

"Would you come with me please?"

* * *

"Jemima, did you want to explain to me what happened?" Cassie asked, leaning towards the two girls.

Meredith had found herself being dragged to Cassie's office, only to be greeted with the sight of Jemima sat in front of the large desk, an ice pack pressed against her leg.

"Well I was just playing in my – our room when Meredith came in. I asked her what was wrong, 'cause she had vomit all over her shoes," she said, her nose wrinkling. "When she didn't answer, I asked her again. And instead of telling me, she marched over and kicked me. I don't know what I did."

Tears were forming in her eyes and her bottom lip began to wobble as she looked at Cassie. She shot her a sympathetic smile, reaching across the desk and taking a hold of her hand.

"It's alright Jem. You did the right thing coming to tell me. Now Meredith, have you got anything to add?"

The look she shot Meredith was dramatically different to the one that she had given Jemima. Rather than a sympathetic smile, the look she gave her was a stern one.

She opened her mouth to speak, to defend her behaviour and explain that Jemima was lying, but she quickly closed it again, choosing instead to glance down at the floor.

"Meredith?"

She fiddled with her fingers, closing her eyes and wishing desperately that, just this once, she could be invisible. She had not done anything wrong. She knew she should not have kicked Jemima, she had stolen her doll and refused to give it back. Her daddy had always told her to stand up for herself, and that was what she was trying to do. People were not supposed to steal your things and that doll was special to her. She was trying to get it back.

This was what she wanted to say to explain everything to Cassie but she couldn't; she just couldn't. So instead she sat in silence, waiting.

"Very well. If you're not going to explain yourself then I've got no choice but to punish you. I'm going to take away your TV privileges for the next month. And you're no longer allowed to go with everyone else on the trip this weekend to see all the ferryboats." Meredith glanced up at this. That trip had been the one thing that she had been looking forward to. Her dad had always taken her at the weekend to see the boats as they travelled across the Sound. "Yes you should look upset. That will teach you to injure someone. And if I hear about this happening again, you'll be in even bigger trouble. I'm very disappointed in you Meredith. Kicking other people is wrong. Jemima was just trying to be nice to you and you hurt her. Are you feeling alright now Jemima? How is your leg?" she asked, turning her attention back to the other girl who chose to quickly hide the smirk that had graced her face.

"It's feeling a bit better. But it still really hurts."

"Well why don't you go rest on the sofa in the rec room for a bit? Does that sound good?"

Jemima nodded eagerly, jumping up from the chair before remembering that her leg was supposed to still be painful. She made her way out of the room, an exaggerated, obvious limp now present in her walk, leaving Meredith alone with Cassie.

"Are you sure you haven't got anything at all to say Meredith? Don't you want to tell me why you kicked Cassie?"

She hesitated a moment before shaking her head slightly, turning her attention back to her hands that were resting in her lap. She fiddled with the hem of her skirt, waiting for whatever Cassie's response would be.

"You can talk to me," she said, her tone surprisingly compassionate. "Louise tells me that you haven't been talking to her and all the other care workers have noticed the same – you never say a word. And Jemima mentioned that you'd been sick. You've got to let us know what's wrong for us to help you."

If Cassie expected any form of response, she did not get one. Meredith did not even react to her little speech in any way. Her posture remained stiff and her hands remained completely enchanting to her.

"Can't say I didn't try," she muttered under her breath. "You're free to go then Meredith. And I'll be telling the other grown-ups about your punishment."

She watched as the girl shuffled out of the room, her shoulders sloped in defeat. No young child should be walking like that, she thought. She knew what had happened to her, they all did, and it had obviously caused her a huge amount of damage. But if she was not even talking to them, could they do anything to help her?

* * *

Meredith should have been surprised to find Jemima and her friends waiting for her when she left the office but she wasn't. They were loitering a short distance away, far enough away that Cassie wouldn't be able to hear what they said, but close enough that Meredith could see them waiting for her.

"Hey mute," a lanky brunette called to her as she came closer. "What's wrong?" she asked, the lack of concern evident in her tone.

"She's missing her dead mummy," Jemima laughed.

Meredith pushed to make her way past them but they simply pushed her back again, the four of them forming a wall to stop her getting anywhere that would let her be away from them.

"Where you going mute? To cry over your dead mummy," another one of the girl said joyfully, shoving her at the same time.

"Do you know why your mummy killed herself?" Jemima asked, leaning towards to Meredith, a huge grin on her face.

But whatever she had been about to say was interrupted by a taller older boy appearing behind the group.

"Leave her alone," he said, pulling Jemima away.

"Go away Matt."

"No I won't. You four stop being bullies."

"You can't tell us what to do."

"Actually since I'm four months older than any of you that means I can tell you what to do. Now leave her alone."

The four girls looked as if they were considering ignoring his command, but eventually, Jemima shrugged.

"Fine," Jemima said, frowning at him. "Mute's dull anyway."

She turned and began to make her way down the corridor, her limp now having vanished completely, and her three friends quickly chased after her.

Once they disappeared, he laughed.

"They're so stupid," he said between peals of laughter. "Come on."

He headed towards the garden, not noticing at first that Meredith was still stood in exactly the same position, an uncertain frown on her face. He had almost covered the entire length of the corridor before he realised that she wasn't with him.

"Well?" he said, holding out his hand to her.

She paused for only a split second before running after him.

* * *

Meredith was not exactly sure what Matt was talking about, something to do with the Yankees being in the play-offs, but she didn't even care. Someone was finally talking to her. She had been at the group home for almost a month and no one had even tried to talk to her, at least not in a way that meant that they wanted to be friends. They all thought she was weird because she did not talk and they just laughed at her instead. But Matt was chatting to her. And she did not think it was just because he felt sorry for her, like when Andrea or Louise talked to her. He was talking to her like he actually wanted to be her friend and, because of that, she could not stop a stupid grin forming on her face.

"You don't talk much huh?" he asked.

She shook her head slightly before sitting up a bit straighter. Matt may want to be friends with her but she was only five years old. And he was 10. She did not think she would ever get to be that old! So if she wanted to be friends with him, she couldn't act like a baby all the time.

"Is it because of what happened to your mum?" he asked and she froze.

She really did not want to have to talk about that. She could already feel the tears forming in her eyes, the way they did any time anyone mentioned her mum to her, but she couldn't not cry; not in front of Matt. Only babies and the weak cry, that's what her mum had always told her. And she didn't want Matt to think she was weak or a baby.

"Hey it's alright." He hesitated, staring at her as if he was looking for something in her expression. "Can I trust you?"

She nodded eagerly.

"Pinkie swear?"

He held out his pinkie towards her and she quickly looped hers with his. They shook and he grinned at her.

"Okay. What I'm about to tell you, you can't tell anyone else. If you do then I'll have to be really mean and I don't want to do that." He paused again. "My mum killed herself. I don't really remember it. My dad said it was because I was only three at the time but it still makes me really sad whenever I think about it. I remember that she always used to take me to nursery every morning and then one day, she just didn't. My dad told me she'd gone to a better place and that I would see her soon. But I really miss her. Sometimes I want to tell her something but she's not there. So, when I need to tell her something really bad, I pretend that she'll be able to hear me in heaven – she's with the angels up there – and I talk to her. Does that sound silly?"

Meredith shook her head, remembering how she would always have imaginary conversations with her mum in head whenever she went to sleep, believing that maybe, just maybe, her mum could hear her wherever she was. She had always felt silly doing it but now she knew someone else did the same.

"Good. So you see, it's okay to miss your mum and feel sad that she's not around anymore. I still do. And those guys," he gestured towards the house, "they shouldn't be calling you mute, that's just mean. But I'll look after you now okay? I can be like your big brother or something," he laughed.

Meredith grinned back at him. She had always wanted a brother or sister but her parents had never answered her questions about if she could have one. And when she had tried to ask Santa for one, her dad had told her to ask for some roller skates instead. But now she had one. Matt wanted to be her big brother and she thought he would make a very good one.

"Cool. I've always wanted a little sister."

"Oi Matt! You coming to play?" an older boy shouted over from further down the garden, holding a ball above his head.

"Yeah in a minute," he shouted back.

Meredith let a small sigh, assuming that Matt would abandon her for his friends now, just like everyone else did. However, when he stood up, he held his hand out to her.

"You want to come and play soccer with us?" he said, giving her a big grin.

His smile made Meredith feel warm inside. It felt like, for the first time in a long time, she could trust someone again. Matt wanted to play with her, he wasn't leaving her alone, and he understood what she was going through.

Taking a deep breath, she smiled back at him.

"Yes," she said.

The word felt strange as it rolled off her tongue, like it didn't quite belong in her mouth. Her throat felt scratchy as she spoke and the word itself came out as more of a squeak but that didn't seem to matter to Matt.

"She speaks!" he grins. "Come on then Mer."

He ran off towards his friends and she paused for only a moment before chasing after him, laughing for the first time since her whole life had changed.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I am so sorry that I haven't updated in over a month. I'm in the middle of end of year exams at university so I haven't had much chance to sit down and right and when I did, the chapter wouldn't flow at all. So that is also why this update is so short. But I didn't want to leave you with nothing at all so I figured something was better than nothing. But it does build up to the next chapter which will be a lot longer. Also my exams finish in just over a week and I'll be free for three months so I'll have a nice load of time to write.**

**Thank you all so much for your lovely reviews and I promise from now I'll make time to reply to them all (anon reviewers if there's a way I can contact you as well to say thanks then that would be great) because it really means a lot to me.**

**Two other points - when Meredith talks about Samantha, she means Samantha from Bewitched (and by that I mean the classic TV show, not the awful movie). And I've changed Matt's age so he's three years older then Meredith rather than five (it worked better). **

**Oh and this is set when Meredith is now 7. **

**

* * *

**Two years later

Meredith frowned slightly as the dust from the floor began to cling to her. She did not want to risk another telling off for showing up at dinner in dirty clothes. For a second she thought about whether she should move to another hiding spot but the sound of loud footsteps stopped her trying to get back out from under the bed. She shuffled back a little further until her back was pressed against the wall and waited. Listening carefully, she heard pairs of feet passing by the bedroom door, one way and then the next.

After a few minutes the door opened and she held her breath. One problem with her hiding spot became clear to her as she realised that from the floor, she could only make out people's feet. An unfamiliar pair of trainers stopped by the bed and she feared she had been caught already. But then they moved over to the wardrobe in the corner and Meredith waited once again. She watched as another pair of trainers entered the room; these far more familiar than the first. They were Matt's. She could easily recognise those muddy trainers, mainly because of the neon yellow laces that she had bought him (well Louise had bought them for her) for his tenth birthday last birthday.

"You found her yet?"

"Nope."

The second voice belonged to Andy, a nine year old who had joined the foster home just before Christmas. He had taken to calling her 'pipsqueak' and the more she begged him not to, the more he called her it.

"Meredith," Matt called, "where are you? I know you're in here Mer."

She couldn't help but giggle at the singsong tone to his voice but she stopped quickly as she watched his shoes turn in her direction. She pressed her hand firmly against her mouth and froze, watching his feet slowly move towards her. However, instead of his face appearing under the bed, the mattress pressed down on her as he sat down.

"Now where could Mer be?" Matt asked as he began to bounce up and down on the edge of bed, listening to the small giggles that were coming from underneath it every so often. "I don't know where she could be hiding."

The giggles began to louder and he rolled his eyes at the idea that she really thought that her hiding place was still secret.

He caught Andy's eye and attempted to signal that he was going to surprise her in a minute. But he appeared to misinterpret because suddenly the small boy was charging at him and the bed. He moved out of the way just in time to see Andy through himself onto the bed and begin to bounce.

The giggles that he had been hearing rapidly changed to sobs and he heard Meredith calling out for him to stop.

"Ow! Ow! It hurts!"

"Stop it Andy!" he said, grabbing the boy's arm and pulling him back off the bed before he knelt down to try and spot the little girl. "You okay Mer?"

Curled up against the wall was Meredith, her face partly hidden by a large teddy bear that she must have chosen as extra cover. Unfortunately the rest of her was less well hidden and he had spotted her small feet sticking out from under the bed the moment had had entered the room.

"My hair's caught," she sniffled and he could hear that she was crying.

"What did you do that for?" he hissed over at Andy who had at least had the common sense to climb back off the bed. "Don't move Mer, I'll help you."

At almost eleven years old, it wasn't quite so easy for him to fit underneath the small beds as it once had been but he could get far enough that he could reach Meredith. A small chunk of her hair was wrapped around one of the springs that was sticking out slightly and he reached over and tried to tug it back off.

"Ow!" she yelped as he heard the quiet sound of some of her hair ripping from the metal.

"Sorry Mer. Just let me give it one more tug okay?"

He tried again and this time was greeted by only a small whimper from her as well as her hair falling away from the spring. Gently pulling her out from under the bed, she curled into him and pressed her face against his chest, still crying softly.

"Hey it's okay. I got you out and Andy's sorry, aren't you Andy?"

Andy mumbled some form of quiet apology before making his way back out of the room, leaving the two alone.

Ever since that day almost two years ago when Meredith had finally had the courage to speak, her and Matt had become inseparable. The three-year age gap seemed irrelevant to the pair; instead it only made them even closer. Without seemingly realising it, Matt had taken on the pseudo big brother role towards Meredith and she in return was practically his little sister. Caregivers around the foster home had long since gotten used to the fact that if you wanted Matt to do something, Meredith would be right there with him. At first Cassie had expected them to drift apart as they grew up but there seemed to be no signs of them outgrowing each other. Any game that he played, Meredith was invited to join in with and you would be just as likely to find him having pretend tea parties with her as you would be to find her playing football with him.

Even when one of them was fostered, their friendship seemed to survive. Meredith had been placed with three different families over the last year and every time, the placement had turned out to be unsuccessful. Most families seemed to have difficulty dealing with a child like Meredith. Even now, two years after her mother's suicide, she still had to a tendency to be quiet and withdrawn. In most cases it took her a while to trust new people and to be comfortable around anyone that she didn't know. Many families seemed to be reluctant to put the effort in that was required to bring her out of her shell and instead opted to send her back to a place where she could receive the 'right kind of care.'

And Matt was always there to welcome her back with open arms. His family history, with his mother's suicide and his father's frequent trips to a number of prisons, meant that he was difficult to place. He had a tendency to create trouble with any family that he joined and it had been months since Cassie had last managed to find a new home for him. At almost eleven, people seemed less keen on fostering him than the other, younger, children. So instead he remained at the foster home and simply waited for Meredith to inevitably come back. Then they picked up right where they left off, as if she hadn't been gone for the a month or two.

"What do you say we go and play outside for a bit Chief? You know somewhere your hair can't get all tangled up and you don't get covered in dust."

He felt her nod slightly and he stood up but Meredith remained sat on the floor.

"And I'm guessing you want a piggy back as well?"

"You got it Matt."

He gave an overly dramatic sigh for scooping her up and swinging her onto his back.

"What's the magic word?"

"Go," she shrieked, kicking her heels against his side.

"Not quite what I was looking for but…"

"I said go Matt."

She kicked him again.

"Bossy," he muttered for charging off out of the bedroom and down the stairs with Meredith's squeals of delight echoing through the house as they went.

* * *

As Cassie, the head social worker, entered the large playroom, none of the kids even bothered to look up. They were all spread out on the array of mismatched sofas, watching a rerun of Bugsy Malone all the small television in the corner. A few of the girls had fashioned bands around their heads in an attempt to look like Tallulah and some had even stuck feathers in them (she wasn't sure where they had gotten those from).

"Meredith," she called quietly over to the other side of the room where Meredith was sat squashed in between Matt and Amy, enthralled by the film. "Meredith."

After a minute, she glanced up, her eyes widening slightly as she saw Cassie leaning against the doorframe.

"Can you come with me please? No just Meredith," she added as she spotted Matt making to stand up as well. "She'll be back in a few minutes Matt."

Meredith pushed herself off the sofa and carefully navigated her way through the few people who had chosen to spread out on the floor rather than sit on the sofas.

"Am I in trouble?" she asked hesitantly as she reached her.

"No nothing like that sweetie. I just wanted to have a little talk with you."

She gave her a soft smile and was rewarded with a small nod. She turned and headed back in the direction, glancing over her shoulder after a few seconds to see her following behind her, dragging Bear – her aptly named teddy bear – along with her. As the pair made their way silently down the hall, she wondered out she would react to what was awaiting her in the office. She hoped it would be good news but with Meredith you could never really tell how she'd react or whether she would really react at all.

Pushing open the door to her office, she watched Meredith carefully as she took in the two people who were sat on one side of the desk. She looked back up at Cassie and quirked her head slightly.

"Who are they?"

"This Meredith, is Sophie and Ian. Do you want to say hello?"

She didn't react to Cassie's statement and instead chose to stare at the couple as if she expected them to burst into flames at any minute.

They glanced over at Cassie who gave them a reassuring nod and Sophie stood up from her chair before crouching down in front of Meredith.

"Hello Meredith. I'm Sophie." She gingerly reached out and touched the band that was wrapped around her head. "That's very pretty. Did you make it?"

"Amy made it for me. I'm not allowed to use the scissors. I wanted to look like Lulah."

"She means Tallulah," Cassie clarified as a look of confusion passed over Sophie's face. "They've been watching Bugsy Malone."

"Bugsy Malone? I love that film. Well I think you look just like her with that on. And is that your bear? Does he have a name too?"

"His name's Bear. Because he's a bear."

Sophie's face lit up at that and she smiled brightly at Meredith.

"My husband," she pointed over at Ian who waved before joining the two on the floor, "he had a bear named Bear just like you when he was little."

"Really?" she asked, a look of disbelief on her face, as if they were tricking her.

"Cross my heart," he said. "And I took him every where with me. I'd never let go of him. Can I see your bear? Would that be okay?"

After a moment of silence in which Meredith appeared to be considering this question as if she had it was a life-changing decision, she nodded and held her bear out to him.

Cassie moved away from the three of them, leaving them to continue their conversation, and pulled out a random file from her desk in the hopes that she would seem busy. She wanted to see how well Meredith fitted with the Brannings and similarly how well they would get on with her. She had taken a shine to her over the past two years and she didn't want to see her going through another foster family only to end up back at Tree Court. But the fact she was willingly talking to them without much prompting was definitely a good sign.

* * *

"What did Cassie want?" Matt asked as Meredith came skipping into the rec room half an hour later and sat back down next to him.

"To meet Sophie 'n' Ian. They," she paused as she tried to remember how Cassie had said it. "They read my file and they want me to come and live with them. They've a princess bedroom for me. I like Sophie cos she looks like Samantha. You know who can wiggle her nose?"

She attempted to replicated said nose wiggling before grinning happily and hugging him tightly, not noticing the look on his face at the news that she would be leaving once again.


End file.
